Love and Light x

I'm packing again. This flight will take me to Pram for the big birthday weekend for my pa. It has also timed with me being able to support one of my besties in saying Goodbye to one of her close friends.
Death is such a big concept for anyone to get their mind around especially when its so sudden and tragic and it seems unreal that it would happen to someone who lit up a room when she entered it.  It's hard to watch and feel the grief that her friends left behind are feeling because it gives me a glimpse at what I would be feeling if one of my besties was taken away.  These girls have life long memories from High School but some from as far back as primary school which is coming up a bloody long time.  When I think of all of them together I can picture girls who loved a good party, a loud laugh, taking the piss out of each other with some funny shit stirring thrown in.  You knew it was going to be a good night if they were all around.  They have those sort of amazing memories that will hopefully help them through this dark time.  I guess you can never really prepare yourself to lose someone.  Its just not a reality I want in my world.  I get that its inevitable but that doesn't make it anymore real for my brain.  And certainly not at our age.  or any age?  It's the physical that we miss.  Its not being able to see them, hear their voice or touch them. The thought that they are no longer feeling the sunshine on their face or doing normal things like making a coffee or doing their dishes and yet the world keeps going.  Why? Doesn't the world understand it needs to stop for a minute and take it in.  Shes not here anymore.  Why are those cars still driving, people still shopping.  It all just keeps going?  People have lots of different views on what happens when you pass and I am completely open to whatever version makes someone happy.  I personally love the idea that they have gone to 'the source' or the light and are blissfully at peace in an amazing place still watching us and hanging out with us but we just can't see them anymore.  The idea that when you die that's the end is something I completely reject.  I want to think there is this amazing next step and these special people who are taken too soon are partying like there's no tomorrow just waiting to meet up with us again.  Maybe that's the hippy coming out in me but so what.  I like it.
I guess that's the awesome part of growing up in a small town.  You made friends from an early age who stuck with you forever.  You knew everyone maybe not closely but they were an important part of your world just because. She was someone who I wasn't lucky enough to give the title of close friend but who has always been a part of my world in some way. When I think about my childhood she is entwined amongst it as a lot of those sort of people are, in all my primary school photos, at parties, through my bestie, in the corridors at high school, at the mall, at the beach.  She just was.  So I will go on Friday and say my own Goodbyes in my own way and I will smile and send light whenever I think of her.