Fifty Shades of Green

Yesterday afternoon started pretty innocently, just like any other really.  Picked up the 7yr old from school and headed to his library for a wee book sale.  Fill a bag for $1 the sign read. So fill we did.  All sorts of interesting titles have found a new home on his book shelf.
In the evening I was planning on heading to a besties house to help her fill in her annual real estate Christmas Card list for Clients on her data base which would also be a good excuse to drink bubbles and consume the chocolate she was enticing me there with as a reward for all our impending hard work and excellent penmanship.
I decided to jump in the shower before I left and was just starting the drying off stage when a little voice outside the bathroom declared he would sit outside the door and read me one of his new books.  I agreed that was a fabulous idea.  "It's a book about Frogs" he informed me.  "Excellent...read on" I replied towel drying my hair.
The 7 yr old is a pretty good reader but is still at the 'sounding out words we are unsure of' stage.  So it was a slow but steady story, plenty of time for my mind to drift....
"At the beginning of spring the frogs wake up and gather at the waters edge.  The breeding season, which lasts for roughly two months, then starts.  The male frogs inflate their throats and croak loudly to attract females, who grunt in reply and quickly join them in the water" at this point I wasn't really taking much notice of what he was reading so just threw in a "that's very interesting" and carried on getting dressed.....he continued "The male climbs onto the back of the female and clasps under the arms, his hands meeting across her red chest.  The male grips his mates slippery body...." at this point the words were suddenly sinking in as to what he was reading out to me...I froze in panic.  How to make this stop before he described in detail just how Frogs get jiggy with it or worked out just what he was reading and wanted to start asking questions.  Good God, I did not have time for this... with one leg in my jeans and frantically pulling on my top whilst yelling out "OK LETS LEAVE IT THERE...SKIP ON TO THE NEXT BIT, WHAT ELSE HAPPENS IN THIS BOOK"  I flung open the door, ripped the book out of his hands and flipped through another couple of pages until it got to the bit about what the bloody things eat and started him off there.  Close Call.

Oh look shes giving him a piggy back ride