Eye Spy my Sanity

My post the other day got me thinking about my car and the things that go on in it.  A friend of mine to make me feel better after baring my soul to you about my man belch confessed that she is a dedicated nose picker when inside her vehicle.  It did make me feel better.  Grot Bags Unite.  Its a funny thing the old car, its like once you shut those doors and turn the key you feel like your in some weird 'Get Smart' bubble, forgetting that your actually surrounded by windows and unless your all gangsta and have tinted those bad boys you have to remember that if you can see other drivers then they can see you.  So when a good song comes on the radio and I become 'Katy Perry' then I shouldn't be totally surprised when random strangers start pointing and laughing.  Luckily for me I usually have 3 Children to control my madness and in particular a son who doesn't say a word but gets his feelings across just by giving me the most disgusted look whilst leaning over and turning the radio off.  He can be such a buzz kill.  That control of the radio is one of the biggest rewards for fighting to the death to get to ride shotgun by my kids.  As soon as I start to move towards my bag and pick up my keys the shouts begin "CAN I BE IN THE FRONNNNNTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!" they then bolt out the door, hurdling animals and outdoor funiture to get to that coveted position of having the first hand on the car just to seal their spot.  Cries of "THATS NOT FAIRRRR" "HE WAS IN THE FRONT LAST TIME" "BAGS THE FRONT ON THE WAY BACK" assault my ears 1000 times a day.
Maybe I need to assign Front seat jobs like having a little bottle of spray and wipe in the glove box and the kid in the front has to wipe down all the surfaces and clean the window or maybe that person has to hold my microphone/banana for the entire journey? 
The other thing that drives me to drink although not in the car obviously is that the 7yr old feels like he must be entertained the whole journey.  30 seconds after pulling out of our street he is all like "What can I do?" "This is boring" "I'm hungry" I've had to go cold turkey on his ass because the first thing he was doing once settled on his throne in the front was to rifle through my bag to find my phone and play games.  Now to be honest it was awesome. He was quiet and left the radio alone but I had this nagging mother guilt that he was starting to become a iphone junkie and this was proven when I astounded him by saying "No you can't have my phone" he just looked at me like "are you fucken crazy lady?" and then spent the whole trip obssessing and whining about not having it.  I started to have wonderful visions of stopping and tying him to the roof racks.  So to take his mind off it we went back to playing old school car games like 'eye spy' but if I have to guess one more "I spy with my little eye something beginning with BBD" (answer = Big Brown Dog!!) or referee whether or not that car was white or silver during 'Car Cricket' we may never make it home again. There's really only so many red cars you can count without feeling like driving head on into one.  Next car ride I will probably just go back to giving him my phone, he and I both know I can't keep up this brady bunch shit much longer.