I know I'm getting old....

I know I'm getting old for many reasons but a major one is because I have started to use those sucky-in-ey items of underwear.  I'm not quite at the big undie up to my boobs stage but my new staple secret item I came across at Farmers recently was a sucky-in-ey singlet and Praise the lord its amazing!  Just smooths out any bumps, lumps and frumps which I would usually blame on just having had a baby but considering the last one is 8, the reality of that statement is wearing thin.
Its genius because its long and stays down, no rolling up, even when having to bend over 2000 times a day to pick up my families crap.  It also squeezes the girls up for some much needed extra cleavage.  This shit is a miracle.
except.....
when I need to get dressed straight after a shower.  How many times have you tried to pull on a sports bra, knickers or anything sucky-in-ey when your skin is still warm and moist eww sorry I tried to think of another word. You get two arms in and your head sports bra not knickers for this example and then start desperately trying to roll the material down so you look like your giving yourself a double mammogram.  One boob in and still the back of your sports bra is rolled up around your neck.  You try desperately to bend your elbow high enough behind your back to reach the mother fucking material but not dislocate your shoulder, all the while you are getting hotter and sweatier in the process.  Its at about this point I start yelling out desperately for the nearest family member "COME IN HERE AND HELP ME BUT FOR GOD SAKE DO IT WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED!!!" its amazing how any other time I want 5 bloody minutes to myself in the bathroom to pee,  I've got kids coming out my ears talking to me through the door but when I really need them suddenly they're all sooooooo busy.
But when I finally get to the really unattractive, manic panic stage,  you know the stage like when your at a jewellery store and you try on a really expensive ring and it goes on sweet as but when you try to slide it off, your finger has suddenly turned into a sausage and it won't budge?! this is the stage when I start to consider walking out of the bathroom as is, to hell with the neighbours and causing retina damage to my family, to get the scissors from the kitchen and cutting this straight jacket off. Then just like that the back rolls down, god what a relief!  I end up having to lie down with my face on the cold floor just to get my breath back from the un-co zumba workout I just did.
That was the bra now the knickers....