He started the conversation by saying "WE need to look at our spending" by 'We' he obviously meant 'Me' but was trying to begin this horrific discussion on a good note. Not wanting to lay the blame directly on me straight away probably for fear of getting my butter knife jammed in his eye. It was at about this point I started trying to work out which injury I could fake so I could commando roll out of there. He was good. He already had all exits blocked.
I frantically racked my brain, whilst keeping a relaxed not concerned in the slightest expression on my face, all while mentally scrolling through all my clothing, shoes, books and Mcdonalds purchases in the last 6 weeks. Fuck. Where's a bloody 6.9 earthquake when you need one.
Luckily on closer inspection of his fancy spreadsheet there were a lot of large gardening and home maintenance tool purchases on there which made my impulse shopping look not so bad. Phew.
Apparently he tells me this is going to be regular occurrence. I think he needs to be encouraged to spend more time with his fancy new tools and less time with his laptop which i have a premonition is unfortunately going to go missing.
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Has Sean not heard the story about the flaps for lunch. Brian tried that once, well before spreadsheets were invented, in fact before you were invented Shelley, having a talk to me about my spending and in those days I only got $20 a week for housekeeping. Come Sat he got flaps for lunch not drained,fat congealing on the plate, no gravy, just potatoes. Looked terrible, ask Kaye, he never complained about my spending again because I could have produced worse if he had kept on.
ReplyDeleteAnd after all the spending you do is not just for your benefit but his as well. Buying your books keeps you up to date with latest fiction so you can talk to his clients and friends, your clothing etc enhances your beauty so he enjoys having you on his arm when he goes out and the McDonald purchases keep his family fed while he is away. There is always the possiblilty they might starve without him there to cook for them as he has made you reliant on him to produce his wonderful meals
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY!!!!
DeleteGet rid of that programme on his laptop immediately...........Love Aunty Kaye.xx
ReplyDelete